i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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