Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
