I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
