My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
