i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
