That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
