When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
