you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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