we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
