Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
