My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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