Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
