I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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