dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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