so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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