Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she smelled like a LAN party
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
