I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
