Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
