The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
