Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
