When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
