Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Randomize
