So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So here I am, sexting at work.
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