It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
