Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
ugly people sure do ruin things
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
