Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Randomize
