He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
