Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
