i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
