I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
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Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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