that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
