i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
