it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
