I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I supernannyed him into submission
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
