Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
