my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
