I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
