so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
