I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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