8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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