wat bout pragnant strippers??
You smell like a Billy Joel song
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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