his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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