I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
