I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
