The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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