There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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