Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Holy shit dude........stairs
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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