its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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