Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
