this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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