Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
