My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
