Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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