I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
