i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
