I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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