I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
