You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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