I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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