when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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