i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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