You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
