I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
