Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
