everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
