There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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