He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Couch. On fire.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
