maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
