My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
