So drunk its hurt
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So much Jack, so little girl.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
