I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
