So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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