shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
