lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
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the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
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I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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