Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
