is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
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The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
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You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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