my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
