It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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