Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
