She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
