Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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