I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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