i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
